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Was she with her boyfriend, making love and jointly discussing and deciding our marriage, or was she at our family home doing the thinking and pondering she’d told me she needed space for?If she’d kept to her normal schedule, she’d have been home or at Charlotte’s on Thursday evening, the day of my long phone call with Veronica, at Malcolm’s on Friday and Saturday nights and back at home on Sunday.Each day was just the most awful drag, wanting the phone to ring, wanting to hear Jill tell me that she wanted me home and wanted to talk. But at the same time, each time the phone rang I knew it could be Jill calling to tell me it was all over between us.The rational part of my brain told me that, however angry and disappointed she was with me, she’d not just throw away twenty plus years of marriage and our family life over something that happened so long ago. But since when has fear been rational – my mind kept coming back to what Charlotte had told me about how hurt she’d been by having. I felt a little uncomfortable as I leaned against the counter, wrapped in my towel, in front of two people I work with. They were intruding in my house so I shook of the feeling, just wanting them to tell me why they were there and then leave. They tried small talk, so, tiring of this, I asked them why they were there. Jim handed me a bag, then asked is he could use the bathroom. Forgetting I had my toys out, I told him where the bathroom was. I looked in the bag to find a bottle of wine. I looked at Mary questioningly and she just smiled back. "You said you wanted to relax so we came to join you," she said as her smile widened. "But, I told you I wanted to be alone. You knew that," I complained. "I know, but we have a way of relaxing that I thought you might like," she said. "Besides, I knew you would have your shower finished by now, even if you did play around a little. Then what would you do with the rest of the night?" Then I remembered my toys and instantly felt embarrassed..
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